Letting Go
by xlovehearts
Summary: Set after 3x08 where Addison throws her rings over the side of the ferry and Derek is there to witness it.
1. Chapter 1

**This is something I thought about after watching clips and Derek and Addison from the episode 3x08. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. I may decide to continue or just leave it there as a short one shot.**

Addison felt the tears trail down her cheeks as she threw her wedding rings over the side of the ferry. She pictures her wedding day and Derek putting the rings on her finger and promising to love and cherish her everyday. Her marriage was over and Derek had made it clear to her today that he was bright and shiny without her and had well and truly moved on with Meredith and now it was time for Addison to do the same. She wipes the tears from her face and when she turns around she spots Derek on the upper deck of the ferry and he is looking straight at her. Just my luck Addison thought, well he wanted her to take of the rings this morning when he realised she still had them on, he had even joked to her about soap being nice and slippery. Like he didn't care less that those rings had once meant so much to them both.

Addison catches his gaze for a moment and is surprised to see that there was actually some emotion towards her in his face rather than the usual indifference. She looks away trying not to give him the satisfaction of seeing her crying over him and she walks away to the other side of the ferry.

A couple of minutes later she heard him clearing his throat before saying her name. "Addison."

"Just leave me alone, Derek. Can't you see that I'm still hurting. You got what you wanted. You're free from Satan and you and Meredith are bright and shiny, so just leave me alone. You said you never wanted to see me again, so just stop rubbing my face in your happy life."

"I'm sorry Addie, I shouldn't have been so insensitive and I'm sorry if I pushed you to get rid of the rings. They were yours and you should have kept them if you wanted too."

"It was time for me to let go. If I held onto them then I'm not sure I'd have been able to move on. I need to move on, Derek so just leave me alone to do that. Please, that's all I ask. If you ever loved me, the way I loved you. Then you wouldn't rub it in my face."

"I'm sorry Addison, I promise I'll leave you alone if that's what you want and I promise I will be more discreet with Meredith from now on. What I said the other day, about not wanting to see you again. I didn't mean it Addison I was angry and I lashed out. I did love you Addie, don't ever think that I didn't. I just couldn't help my feelings for Meredith and it was never the same after what happened with Mark. I'm so sorry if I gave you false hope. I thought that I owed it to us to give it a try and I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone now."

"Thanks Derek, maybe in time we could be friends again but right now I'm still getting over it."

"I'd like that. Take as long as you need. I'd like it if eventually we could get on and be friends but I understand if you can't do that. Goodnight Addison."

"Goodnight Derek."

As Addison watches Derek walk away she feels like she is starting to get some closure and now it is time to rebuild her life. She may have lost the love of her life, but she was still an amazing surgeon and she would survive. It was time to let go of the past and concentrate on the future.


	2. Chapter 2

A month had passed since that day on the ferry and Addison was slowly rebuilding her life. She had found a great place to live and her career was going from strength to strength. She had everything she had ever wanted apart from the husband and child she had always imagined sharing it with.

Addison was trying to focus on the positives and she had decided it was time to head to New York and sell their marital home. She had decided to keep the Hamptons for now as she had always loved it there and if she did ever decide to go back to New York or for a holiday she wanted to stay there. But she had decided that it was time to let go of the brownstone.

She found Derek reviewing some scans and cleared her throat. "Derek, do you have a minute?"

Derek turns to face her and gives her a soft smile. "Of course, Addison. What is it?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I've decided to sell the brownstone so if there's anything you wanted, you know keepsakes, not of our marriage, I know that means absolutely nothing to you now, but if there's anything from your childhood, photos etc, then please let me know. Oh and I'd need your keys if you still have them." Addison tells him.

"Wow... I uh.. well if that's what you want to do. I guess it makes sense to sell it. If you're not going to live in it again. So you're settled here now?" Derek asks.

"Yeah I bought a house and I love my job here at Seattle Grace. I know that you probably thought I'd go back to New York but even though I miss it sometimes, I think it would have been too hard to move on. Too many things in New York would have reminded me of us and even though in Seattle I still see you, I think it's getting easier. I'm getting over what happened, and letting go. I'll always blame myself for messing up so badly that I lost you, but I know that it wasn't all my fault. You were distant for a long time before I messed up, and then you left and met Meredith and I guess you're happier now, and I just have to accept that. The life I always wanted with you has gone now, but I still have an amazing career and a lovely new home and maybe there's no husband or child to come home to at night, but I guess we can't have everything."

"Addison, I'm so sorry. If anything I'm more to blame for everything that happened. So don't punish yourself, I truly hope you can find happiness. It hasn't been long and you're an amazing woman, Addie. You deserve only the very best. Maybe I shouldn't suggest this, but what if I came with you? I can see what things I want to keep and we can both say goodbye to the brownstone together. Maybe I need some closure too."

"Well if you think that's a good idea then you can come, just don't even think of trying to throw what happened that night in my face again. I know going there will bring it all back, but I think I've been punished enough for it."

"Ok I'll try, Addie. If I feel angry I'll go for a walk or something. I just feel like I need to say goodbye to that house, maybe it'll help me let go of everything that happened too."

"Right well I was going to try and arrange a few days off for next week so if we go together and explain to Richard why we both need to go then maybe he'll let us have the time off."

"Yeah hopefully he'll understand that this is important for both of us. I guess I should go and visit my family while I'm there too. I know that they'd want to see you too. My sisters and the kids all miss their favourite auntie."

"Oh I've missed them too. I guess I could come. I don't think your mom would be pleased to see me but maybe she'll be happier now we're divorced."

"I'm so sorry Addie. It couldn't have been easy all those years. It was hard for me too you know, knowing that my mother didn't like you. I tried to say that she did, I think it was easier to convince us both that she did. But I'm so sorry that she never did. At least everyone else in my family still loves you the most. I think they all love you more than me."

"God I've really missed them. So I'll let you get back to your work and let me know when you're free to go and talk to the chief so we can arrange our time off. I hope that Meredith won't be mad you're going to be spending time with your ex-wife."

"Oh yeah, Meredith. I'll tell her tonight. Hopefully she'll understand that it's just something I have to do. I told her once that I was married for 11 years. 11 years of Christmases, thanksgivings and birthdays. That it wasn't so easy for me to give up. But we need to get closure on this and if she doesn't understand that, then she'll just have to get over it."

"Well if you're sure, I don't want it to cause problems for you."

"Yes I'm sure. This is something that we need to do together."

"Ok well I'll see you later, Derek."

"See you later, Addie."

 **So I thought of an idea to continue this story with Addison and Derek heading back to New York and the brownstone. Hope you enjoy and please review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

Addison and Derek had managed to get time off and were now on their way to New York. Addison still couldn't quite believe she was on her way back to New York with Derek, it was so strange to think that they were on there way back to a city that had meant so much to them both as a couple, and now they would have to face it as a divorced couple who were heading back to a home they were once so happy in, to get some closure and sell their marital home.

Addison turns her gaze from the window to look at Derek who was in the seat beside her. "So New York? I was thinking we could go and see Savvy and Weiss while we're here too. I know it'll be different now we're divorced but they're still our good friends and we should go and see them."

"Yeah it would be good to see them. Savvy will be so disappointed in me, she really thought that we were meant to be. It was my fault though I'll tell her that."

"I kind of already told her everything that went down at prom, and she will be mad at you. But she was also mad at me when everything happened with Mark. But they're our good friends and they love us both, and they just want us to be happy. Derek, I still want you to be happy. Even if that wasn't with me, I hope you find happiness. It's what I want to, I don't think I deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life."

"Of course not, Addie. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially not me, I know I may have caused you so much pain and I'm sorry for that, I promise that from now on I'll try not to hurt you like that ever again. I want us to move on and have a fresh start. Even if our marriage failed, I'd still like you to be my friend, Addie. I don't want to lose you completely."

"Oh Derek. Thank you. I don't want to lose you either. I know last month I said I needed time to move on. But you agreeing to come to New York with me and with what you just said to me, I think it's time that we can move on and be friends."

"Well let's just try and stay positive even if this trip brings up some bad memories for us as well as good ones. Let's just sort through our things and meet up with our friends and family."

"Yeah I think we can try and do that. We were together a long time, Derek and I have lots of good memories of our time together. They got me through some tough times in the past. No matter what happens I'm going to try and focus on the good rather than the bad."

"I'll try and do the same. I'm not going to lie Addison, for the past year whenever I've thought about the brownstone, I've seen you and Mark in our bed, and it still makes me feel nauseous. But this is the last time I'm going to bring that up. I hope that coming back to the brownstone means that I'll be able to close that chapter of my life and be able to move on."

"It's ok Derek, at least I know that I meant something to you. I can cope with you having some bad memories of our lives together. What I couldn't cope with was your indifference to me. Sometimes if was like you couldn't see or hear me. Like I didn't exist to you. All that mattered was your work and being the best. I'll always regret what happened with Mark, it should never have happened. But it was like it woke you up to the state of our marriage. I know that was basically the end of our marriage and we were never the same again, but even if I'd never slept with Mark, I think our marriage would have been over anyway. Even if we were still together we wouldn't have been happy. I would have been sitting their waiting for you to come home and night and we wouldn't have been any better off."

"I guess you're right. Maybe we're both better off now. I'm sorry I was such a terrible husband to you in the end. You deserved so much better."

"Thank you, Derek. I'm sorry too. We'll be arriving in New York soon so let's just concentrate on getting through these next few days and then we can both have our closure and fresh starts."

A while later and Derek and Addison have arrived in New York and have made their way back to the brownstone in a taxi. Now they stand in front of the steps looking up at the house in front of them.

"Well I guess this is it." Addison murmurs.

"Yeah I guess it is." Derek replies as visions of the last time he saw this house fill his mind. He remembers pushing Addison out the door and her begging to let her back in and finally him leaving as the door slam behind him. He remembered taking one last look at the house before he'd left that night and seeing all the clothes that littered the front steps and being so angry and hurt. Derek tries to push them away and he turns to Addison and says. "Let's go inside."


	4. Chapter 4

Addison makes her way up the stairs and turns the key in the lock and pushes the door of the brownstone open for the first time in so long. She walks into the hallway and Derek follows behind her placing their luggage down.

Addison could see that there was a lot of dust building up everywhere and she guessed she would need to call their old cleaner and ask for her to come or find a new one to come and help them. It was sad to think of a home she had loved so much - that they had loved so much - which now seemed so big and empty.

"So where shall we start? I guess we could do with a coffee or something. I'll uh go and put the kettle on I'm sure I'll find some coffee somewhere in the kitchen. Though we won't anything else to go with it."

"Yeah I'll have a coffee if you can find it. Or just water it's fine. I guess we'll have to go out and get a few things or just order take out."

"At least everything is within walking distance from here. That's what I always loved about this house. Now it just feels so big and empty. I'm sorry that I ruined everything when I did what I did."

"It wasn't just you, like we said on the plane. It was me too and I'm sorry that I was indifferent and that I took you for granted. Look we could keep saying sorry but I think now what's done is done and in order to move on we have to decide that this is the last time we are going to bring it up."

"Yeah you're right. It's just so strange being back here in this house with you. Especially now we're divorced. It's just different you know?"

"Yeah I know. I never thought I'd come back to this house ever again but when you brought it up and said you were selling it, I knew that if I didn't see it one last time that I'd always regret it."

"I'm glad you wanted to see it, Derek. It shows me that you cared about me and loved me once. I'd have been more sad if you couldn't have cared less about it. It hurt me when you said all you wanted was Seattle, and never to see me again. But at the same time I know you were dealing with finding out what happened with Mark. I'm so sorry that I kept that from you. I did want to tell you, I just knew that I would lose you. I knew that if I told you, you wouldn't have given me a chance."

"No I guess I wouldn't have. Not that I really gave you a fair chance anyway. I'm sorry for that, Addison. It wasn't to punish you, I really did want to try but at the same time I couldn't get over what I had with Meredith and I couldn't get over the thought of you and Mark, then prom happened and I... it's for the best isn't it. You can move on with your life and find a great guy someone who will put you first like you deserve. I think I can deal with that Addie, I just hope that guy isn't Mark Sloan, but I guess I could get over it in time if that's really what you wanted."

"No it isn't. Everything that happened with Mark just spun out of control. He was there for me when I had no one else. He was there to comfort me and tell me that you were an idiot. That I deserved to be loved and that he loved me. After you left he convinced me that you didn't love me anymore and that you wouldn't be coming back and I let him as I didn't want to believe that I'd thrown my life away on something so wrong. So I tried to convince myself that we could make it work. But of course it wasn't right and he cheated on me multiple times. I knew then that it would never work and I still loved you. I still wanted you back. Then Richard called and I came out to Seattle. I know that I called Mark after prom and I know that I slept with him again, but it was a moment of weakness and I won't be letting it happen again. I don't see any future with Mark."

"Thanks for telling me the truth Addison. I think that I needed to know that and it really helps. So let's go and get those drinks."

"Ok." Addison heads into the kitchen and grabs the kettle and fills it up with water then she makes sure to turn the switch on and leaves it to boil.

A while later Addison hands Derek a cup and then takes a sip of her own drink.

"Thanks this was just what I needed."

"No problem. It's probably the only thing we had in this kitchen that we could use. Good job I had the fridge cleared out before I left or we'd have come back to a disgusting mess in it."

"Well we don't really need to use it anyway as we can go out for food and we're not going to be here for long."

"No you're right and I was always hopeless with cooking anyway. Speaking of food I'm starving so do you want to order something or we could go out."

"I'm pretty exhausted from the flight let's just order a Chinese takeout and stay here."

"Ok I'll call Lau's and get us our usual order?"

"Yeah that sounds good."

Addison calls to order food from their favourite takeaway place and they go into the living room. Addison spots a picture of them together and gets lost in her thoughts for a moment before shaking her head softly and walking over to the picture and picking it up. It was a photograph that someone had taken on their wedding day but it was a lovely natural candid shot of them together and Addison had always loved it.

Derek comes up behind her and says. "We were so happy when this was taken."

"Yeah it was one of the best days of my life."

"Mine too, Addie. Even after everything that's happened. I'll never regret marrying you or the many years we had together."

A while later and the food had arrived and Addison and Derek sat and ate it out of the cartons like they had done so many times in the past. Everything felt so familiar to them both but different at the same time.

After eating Addison says. "Well I'm pretty exhausted so we should get some rest. At least we have plenty of spare rooms we can make up a bed in. Unless you want to go and get a hotel somewhere?"

"No it's fine. We can just stay here. I'll come and help you with the sheets."

Derek follows Addison up the stairs and he helps her get some clean sheets out of a cupboard and they both choose a room to use for the night. Both avoiding the room they had once shared for now but knowing it couldn't be put off forever.


	5. Chapter 5

Addison hears the door slam shut downstairs and wakes with a start and jumps out of bed. She runs down the hall to the room Derek is sleeping in and walks in. She sees Derek has jumped up too.

"Derek I think someone is in the house."

"Don't panic Addie, just wait here and call 991."

"Derek, let's just stay in this room. I don't want you to get hurt. What if they have a gun? After what happened with your father. I can't lose you like that Derek."

"Addison, please try and stay calm."

They start to hear footsteps coming up the stairs and then they start to hear singing and the voice sounds familiar.

"Hang on Derek, I think it's Amelia. I don't know why she'd come here in the middle of the night, but I know that she had a key and maybe she was in New York and needed somewhere to stay."

Addison opens the door and heads out into the hallway and she sees Amelia heading towards them.

"Addie... Derek. I thought you guys were in Seattle. I'm sorry if I scared you right now. I used my key, I didn't think you'd be here. I was visiting some friends in the city and we got separated so I thought I'd just crash here."

"Oh it's so good to see you Amelia." Addison tells Amelia and pulls her into a hug. "You did give us a shock but then I heard you singing and I would recognise that voice anywhere."

"Yeah you're lucky. We were about to call the cops." Derek tells his sister. "Not that it's not good to see you Amy, but it is very late."

"Oh well I'm glad that didn't happen. So what are you doing here anyway? Last I heard you were in Seattle."

"Well we came back for a few days cause we wanted to sort the brownstone out cause we're going to sell it. I don't know if you heard but Derek and I got divorced and it was time to sort everything out so we can move on with our lives."

"Seriously.. Derek I know Addison can do a million times better than you but how could you let her slip away like that? I always thought that you two would make it. I love you so much Addie and you'll always be part of my family even if my stupid brother has made the biggest mistake of his life in letting you go."

"Wow thanks Amy.. nice to know I mean so much to you." Derek tells his sister sarcastically.

"You know I love you, Derek. No matter what but I love Addie more than anything and she deserves so much better than what you were giving her."

"Thanks Amelia, but please don't be too hard on Derek. We both made so many mistakes which led to our divorce and it's over now and we just have to make the best of it and move on with our lives."

"Ok I'll try not too be too hard on him, even though I think he's made the biggest mistake of his life. So anyway, I guess I'll find another one of your spare rooms if that's ok?"

"Yeah there's plenty of room available. Me and Derek are staying in 2 of the other bedrooms. So just find another one and make yourself at home."

"Ok I'll do that. I guess I'll see you both in the morning. Goodnight Addie. Goodnight Derek."

"Goodnight Amelia."

Addison and Derek watch Amelia walk off down the hall and then Derek turns to Addison.

"So it was just my little sister."

"Yeah.. even though she just almost gave us both a heart attack. It was still good to see her and I'm glad it was just Amelia. I don't want to think about what could have happened if it had actually been someone breaking in."

"It's ok, Addie. It was just Amy. We can calm down and try and go back to sleep now."

"I think I might need a drink to calm me down. I know it's late but I think we still have some decent scotch and other liquors downstairs if you want to join me for a drink."

"Yeah that sounds good I'll just put something on and then I'll come and join you." Derek tells her and Addison blushes as she notices that he just has his boxers on. She forces herself not to stare and turns her gaze away from him.

"Ok so I'll go and pour us both a drink and I'll see you in a minute." Addison tells him.

Addison goes downstairs and finds some glasses and grabs the bottle of scotch from the liquor cabinet and pours them both a good measure. A couple of minutes later and Derek joins her and she sees that he's put pyjamas on.

Addison hands him a glass and she watches as he takes a sip before taking a sip of her own glass.

"Hopefully this will help us sleep. This was always one of my favourite scotches."

"I know I got you it for you birthday last year."

"Yeah I remember. That was a good night."

"Probably one of the last ones we ever had together as a couple." Addison says sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Addie. If I could turn the clock back I'd never have been such an idiot."

"Derek, we can't turn back time. Just promise me you'll do better in future. I know the kind of man you can be, Derek and you really can be loving and all kinds of amazing. But you can also loose sight of it all and just become so focused on yourself and your work and become so selfish. So try not to be in the future. Even if it kills me to see you with Meredith, if she's really the one for you and you're happy then please don't mess it up."

"Addie, I promise I'll try to be better. To be the best I can be, rather than the worst. I can't promise that I'll always be perfect. No one is perfect, Addison. Look I don't know for sure if things will last with Meredith, I haven't really known her all that long. All I know is that when I was with you, I couldn't stop thinking about what I could have had with her. It was so easy and carefree before you turned up. But it was also built on a lie, she never really knew anything about me. Even after everything that happened she still doesn't really let me in, but she's young and maybe she needs more time. Sorry you probably don't want to hear about my relationship with Meredith."

"No it's ok. Maybe best you don't go on any further though. I think I've heard enough so you don't need to tell me anything more. I just want you to be happy, Derek. I don't need to hear all the details."

"Ok no more details. Let's just finish our drinks and try and get back to sleep."

Addison and Derek finish their drinks in silence and then head up the stairs and back to the rooms they were sleeping in earlier that night.

 **Ok so that was an idea I had on bringing Amelia into the story. Hope you like it and please review and let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Addison goes downstairs to the kitchen and finds Amelia sitting drinking coffee.

"Good morning, Addie. Sorry I woke you both last night."

"Good morning, Amelia. Well I'm glad it was just you. I don't know what we'd have done if it was a burglar. I'd told Derek to stay in the room with me and we were going to call the cops. I didn't want Derek to go down and get attacked by anyone. It was only when I heard your voice, I knew it was you."

"Do you want a coffee? That was literally all I could find in this kitchen."

"Yes please. Well there was no point in shopping as we won't be here for long. Anything we need we can just go out for or order take out."

"Are you ok, Addie? With the divorce and everything?" Amelia asks Addison as she starts to make her a coffee.

"I'm getting there. It's going to take time. I still love him, Amelia but we both hurt each other so badly and I was trying to make up for everything. I even lived in a trailer with him, but he couldn't let go of Meredith and then he cheated on me at the prom we arranged at the hospital for the chiefs niece. Then I got upset and called Mark and we slept together again and Derek turned up at the hotel to tell me it was over and then Mark walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Derek who had just finished telling me how sad he was about the end of our marriage, then said that he felt so much better now, like he had nothing to be guilty about."

"Oh Addie, I'm so sorry. If Derek can't see how amazing you are, then he doesn't deserve you. I just want you both to be happy. So Derek lives in a trailer? And he's with some girl, Meredith did you say?"

"Yes he lives in a trailer and he's seeing a intern at the hospital we work at."

"Oh my god. I need to see this. Talk about having a midlife crisis."

"You can come and visit me at my new house in Seattle if you want. If you're not too busy with your residency. How's that going?"

"It's great. Well I had a few days off so I thought I'd come and see my friends and family. But I'll be heading back in a few days. It's going well. I'm letting nothing stand in the way of becoming the surgeon I want to be. I'll show everyone who ever doubted me. I'm going to be an amazing neurosurgeon."

"That's fantastic, Amelia. I've always believed in you. I'll always love and support you no matter what."

"Thank you, Addison. I know I've had my moments especially with Derek. But I really hope he can see how hard I try every single day. I just want him to be proud of me. He's the only man I've got to look up to and I just want him to be a part of my life. More than he has for the last few years at least."

They hear a cough from behind them and Derek walks into the room. "Amy, I love you so much. I know I haven't always been there for you like I should have. But I hope you can give me a chance to be there now."

"Oh Derek, I love you too. It's not too late we still have time. So Addie has invited me to stay at her new house when I have time off and I just need to see this trailer of yours, I don't know how you can possibly live in a trailer. I mean you have plenty of money, so why would you choose to live in a trailer." Amelia laughs.

"Well I love the land and it's a great place to spend time fishing. I don't intend to live in a trailer for the rest of my life, I do actually want to build a house there I just haven't found the time."

"Hmm well, I guess I'll see it for myself when I come and visit. But I'm definitely going to be staying at Addie's house."

"That's ok the trailer only has one bed anyway."

"Wow, I don't know how you put up with it for so long Addie."

"It was pretty terrible. But there was a couple of times it wasn't so bad. Mainly the times when Derek was actually being nice to me and when we had a dog for a while, Doc before he got sick and we had to put him to sleep, I really loved that dog. I mean it would have been nicer to have more space for him but he really loved to run around through the woods."

"Aww I'm sorry about Doc."

"Yeah he was a great dog. At least he's not in any pain anymore. It was awful to see him suffering."

"So what are you going to do today?" Amelia asks trying to change the subject.

"Well I guess we need to start sorting through our things here and decide what we want to keep, or give away to charity or sell along with the house. I was thinking we'd leave the furniture with the house and then whoever buys it can have the choice to either keep it or if they want to redecorate then they can get rid of it." Addison tells Amelia.

"Yeah that's a good idea, the furniture is pretty great anyway and it saves people the hassle if they like it when they decide to buy it." Amelia replies

"What are you going to be doing Amy?" Derek asks his sister.

"I was thinking of going to visit mom. How about you? Are you going to come and visit the rest of our family. You know they'll be dying to see you. You too, Addie."

"Yeah we were planning on going to see mom and Nancy, Kathleen, and Lizzie and all the kids. Would you let mom know that we're here and then maybe she can arrange for everyone else to come over so we can see everyone together." Derek suggests.

"Sure I can tell her. I'm sure she'll be delighted to see her golden child." Amelia says sarcastically.

"I'm sure I'm not there so much anymore. I mean I've hardly even seen her properly in ages. But I've decided that has to change, from now on I plan to see more of my family. Even if I'm living in Seattle, I'll make sure I'm here for important occasions."

"That's great if you mean it, Derek. I guess I haven't really spent much time with my family in a few years either. So maybe we should make a pact that from now on, family comes first. I'm including you in this too, Addie. You'll always be my sister."

"Oh Amelia, I love you so much." Addison says as she pulls Amelia into a hug. "I agree family is the most important thing. I've always loved your family. Even though one person in particular wasn't always so keen on me. Who knows maybe now we're divorced she won't be so hard on me."

"Just ignore her, Addie. Everyone else thought you were perfect for Derek. I'm sure mom would think no one was good enough for Derek."

"It's ok I've learned to ignore it for all these years now so it won't really make a difference to me now."

"I'll uh have a word with her, Addie. I'll tell her that this divorce was my fault and that if she wants to blame someone then she can start with me." Derek tells her.

"Thanks Derek. It's not all your fault. But at least you're willing to take your fair share of the blame."

"So guys I'm feeling pretty hungry. What do you say we get ready and head out for some breakfast. I know a great diner which does the most amazing pancakes and waffles and pretty much anything else you might want." Amelia suggests.

"Yeah that sounds great. Let's get ready and go and get some breakfast." Addison agrees.

"Yeah let's go." Derek tells them.

The three of them head upstairs to get ready and a while later they make their way out to go and get breakfast.


	7. Chapter 7

After having breakfast with Amelia who later left them to go and visit their mom. Addison and Derek arrive back at the brownstone.

"It was great seeing Amelia, I've really missed her." Addison tells Derek.

"Yeah I'm glad she seems to be doing well, I've missed her too." Derek replies.

"So I think we have a lot of stuff in the basement, old photographs and things so we could head down there and sort through some things if you want?"

"Ok lets go and sort through some of it then."

Derek follows Addison down the basement and they start to sort through some of their things. Addison picks up a photo album and opens it to see pictures they had taken together in their first year as a couple. Derek looks over her shoulder and sees what she's looking at.

"Those were great times, Addie. No matter what happened between us, in the end I've never regretted a single second with you."

"Oh Derek, I wish I could go back and change things but I can't. If I could I'd never have messed things up so badly."

"Oh Addie, if I could take things back I never would have messed everything up so badly either."

Addison continues to flick through the pages and they see so many moments they shared together, in med school and with Mark, Sam, and Naomi. They get to a photo that Addison had always loved of their first Christmas together.

"We always loved Christmas." Addison says sadly.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry about what I said last Christmas. It was cruel and hurtful and I shouldn't have said it."

"You're right it was, but at least you were telling me the truth for once even if it was on Christmas."

"Maybe I thought I was at the time but I also know that I didn't really think it through it just came out and I'm surprised that you didn't leave me after that."

"If I was stronger, I might have or at least brought it up with you. But I was hanging on by a thread as it was and I didn't want to lose you. I was clinging on for dear life and in the end I still lost you. Maybe I should have had more respect for myself, but I thought if I stayed and tried harder then you'd see that and try harder too and maybe even love me again."

"I'm so sorry, Addie. You deserve so much better than what I was giving you. I'm sorry I didn't give you a real chance. I hope in time you'll be able to forgive me for everything I did to you."

"I'm sorry too and I hope you'll be able to forgive me for everything too. I think being here with you, and us actually talking is really helping with that."

"Yeah it's really helping me too. I actually think we've talked more in these last couple of days then we did in years. Maybe that's where it all went wrong for us and I know that was my fault more than it was yours."

"Yeah we definitely didn't do a lot of that in the last few years. I really missed just being able to talk to you, I remember when we could talk for hours about anything. I hope we can do more of that in the future, even if it's just as friends. I really missed having you to talk to."

"Yeah I'd love that, Addie. I guess at the time I was so focused on my own career and being the best I could that I lost focus on everything else in my life. I intend to make up for that now if you'll let me."

"Of course. I'd really like that. This can be a new start for us both. So let's finish sorting through the rest of this stuff and decide what we want to keep and then maybe we can take a walk and go for some lunch. Maybe we could call Savvy and Weiss and see if they're free for lunch or dinner tonight?" Addison suggests.

"Sounds perfect." Derek tells her with a smile.

A while later after spending the morning sorting through the basement. Derek and Addison were on their way to meet Savvy and Weiss, and when Addison had talked to Savvy on the phone she'd been so excited that they were back in New York.

Addison and Derek walk into the restaurant and get shown to the table where Savvy and Weiss are waiting for them. Savvy jumps up in excitement when she sees them and gives Addison a big hug.

"Addie it's so great to see you."

"You too Sav, I'm sorry it's been so hectic lately. I promise I'll make more time to visit you again soon and you could maybe come and visit Seattle again. I have lots of room in my new house so you and Weiss would be welcome to come and stay some time."

"That would be great Addie." Savvy tells her friend before turning to Derek who has just finished greeting Weiss. "Hey Derek."

"Hey Savvy, it's great to see you. I hope you're not too mad at me." Derek tells her.

"I was very mad when I found out, but you're my friend just as much as Addison and even though I hate what you did to her, as much as I also hate what Addie did to you with Mark, I also still love you Derek and I hope that all of us can still be friends. I'd hate to lose touch with you both."

"Thanks Sav. I really love you guys too and you're right I need to make more of an effort to stay in touch with you guys and my family. In the last few days I've realised just how much my family and friends mean to me. My sister Amelia was here last night and I intend to go and visit my family too, so I'm realising just how much I don't want to lose any of you."

"That's great well when we arrange some time off, Weiss and I would love to visit you both in Seattle. I know a lot happened last time I came to visit, but we're really through the worst of it all now and me and Weiss are in the process of trying to adopt."

"Wow that's amazing Savvy. I hope everything goes to plan. You and Weiss will be amazing parents." Addison tells her friend.

"Thanks Addie. All we want is to give a child a loving home. We don't mind if it's not a baby, though that would also be lovely. I also love the idea of providing a loving home for an older child, one who's been let down so many times. Those children need a family just as much as a baby, and so many people just want the babies."

"I think adoption is a wonderful thing. Not right now, of course, but maybe something I could also think about doing in the future."

"You'd be an amazing mother Addison. You've had so much going on lately but maybe once you're settled it's something you could think about."

"Thanks Sav. I'll definitely consider it some more."

"Wow kids. I'm really happy for you both." Derek tells his friends. "Addison, I know how much you wanted children someday and how much I wanted them too. We always thought we'd have time and then we didn't. But I think that's great if you want to adopt. When the time is right I think you'll be an amazing mom."

"Thanks Derek, you'll be an amazing dad some day too." Addison tells him and looks down feeling a bit sad that those children she always dreamed of won't be hers and Derek's and maybe Derek's children would be with Meredith. The thought turns her stomach but she tries to get them out of her head and looks up and smiles at her friends.

They continue to catch up over lunch and a few drinks and then Savvy and Weiss have to leave to go back to work and Derek and Addison spend the rest of the afternoon walking through Central Park.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning Addison awoke to her phone ringing. She saw it was Amelia calling and picked it up.

"Hey Amelia."

"Hey Addie! So I spoke with mom and we arranged for everyone to come and visit this afternoon. So let Derek know and we'll see you both this afternoon. Everyone's really excited to see you and I've told mom to give you a chance."

"Thanks Amelia, I know you always have my back. I've come to accept that your mom doesn't really like me and although it hurts, I'm trying not to let it bother me anymore. It's not like I have to see her very often, especially now anyway. I'm glad that I can still see you, and Nancy, Kathleen, Lizzie and the kids. So that's all that matters."

"Well we love you Addie, and no matter what I'll always love and support you."

"I love you too Amelia, and I'll always be your sister."

"Always. Well I'm looking forward to seeing you later. Hopefully it won't get too crazy with everyone here. I know mom is excited to see Derek. So I guess we'll see you both around 1?"

"Yeah we'll be there. See you later Amelia."

"See you Addie."

Addison hangs up and makes her way to the bathroom before heading down to the kitchen where she sees Derek drinking a coffee and eating some toast. They'd bought some bread and a few supplies on the way back to the house the previous day.

"Morning Addison, do you want some toast?" Derek asks her.

"Yes please Derek, Amelia just called and she said your mom managed to arrange for everyone to come to her house today. So I told Amelia we'd be there for around 1 today."

"That's great. It gives us time to get ready and drive there. I guess we still have our old cars in the garage so I'll let you choose which one you want us to take."

"Sounds good. Do you mind driving on the way back and I'll drive us there? I have a feeling I'll need a few wines today."

"Sure. I guess I'll let you have that considering it's my fault that you have to deal with my mother today."

"It's ok Derek, I'm kind of used to it by now. I know that your mom never liked me and maybe now we're divorced and she has the chance to see you with someone she always pictured you with, maybe she won't be so bad. I'm sure she's delighted about our divorced. Only 11 years too late for her liking but she got what she wanted eventually."

"I'm so sorry Addie, I'll tell her the truth about everything. It's as much my fault what happened, if not more and if my mom can't see how amazing you are then it's her loss. All my sisters and their kids and husbands all think you're great and just focus on that today. Try not to let her get you down. I'm hoping that today will go well and maybe even mend some bridges between the two of you."

"Well I'll try my best to make that happen Derek, but I've tried that for a long time and nothing seemed to help. But maybe now we're divorced it won't be so bad."

"Ok well no matter what happens, just know that even now we're divorced. I'm here for you and I want our friendship to work more than anything. I need you in my life and I don't know what I would do without you. So no matter what my mom tries to say or do today just remember that."

"Oh Derek, thank you. You don't know how much that means to me, this year has been hard on me. But I'm getting through it and knowing that I still have you, even as a friend. It's really helping me get through it."

"It's time for us to make a fresh start Addie and try and get on with our lives and look forward to the future. I'm not saying it'll be easy but since everything is going well with us, I may even give Mark a chance in the future. I mean he's in Seattle now and he seems determined to stick around. He was my friend for so long and if I'm giving you a chance for what you did, then I guess he deserves one too."

"Thanks Derek, I know it won't be easy but I know that Mark really misses you. He doesn't have many friends and he thinks he's ruined the only friendships he ever really had with us. So I think if we can move on and be friends, then Mark deserves that chance too."

"Ok well when we go back to Seattle, I guess I could invite him out for a drink. I think it'll take time before it's ever the same and maybe it never will be, but if we agreed to move on then, I guess we've got to give it a chance."

"Thanks Derek, well I'll have this toast and go and get ready. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what clothes and shoes I still have in this house."

"You do love your huge walk in wardrobe. You always look fantastic no matter what you wear. You'd look amazing wearing a garbage bag."

Addison laughs and says. "Thanks Derek. You know I've missed my shoes and clothes though. I'm definitely getting them boxed up and sent to my new house even though I already bought a lot more clothes in Seattle. It's good to have more options on what to wear."

"You and your fashions." Derek grins. "I'm just happy in jeans and a shirt or when I have to dress well in a classic black suit and tie."

"You always looked amazing in a suit. But again you're so handsome that you can make anything look good."

"Thanks Addie. So I'm going to go and take a shower and I'll see you back down here when you're ready to leave."

An hour later Addison makes her way down the stairs and heads into the kitchen to see Derek drinking a coffee.

"Hey Derek, are you ready to go?" Addison asks.

"Yeah I'm ready." Derek tells her. "You look great Addie."

"Thanks Derek. So let's go." Addison tells him feeling slightly nervous for the day ahead but also excited to be seeing all her nieces and nephews who she hasn't seen for a while and had missed like crazy.

A while later they are on their way to Derek's mom's house in Addison's Porsche. She'd really missed this car but had bought another one in Seattle already.

"This car is a classic." Derek tells her.

"I know this was always one of my favourites to drive." Addison replies.

"You always looked so hot at the wheel of this car. Actually we had some pretty amazing times in this car."

"We did, though I don't really think that's appropriate to bring up anymore."

"No I guess you're right, but I just want to say that they were great times and even if it's awkward to bring them up now. We shouldn't regret them, they happened and they were some of the best times of my life."

"Thanks Derek, they were amazing times. Do you remember that time we pulled over on the way to the Hamptons and found a quiet spot somewhere cause you couldn't wait to have your wicked way with me."

"God Addison, I remember and it was so hot. One of the best experiences we had together in this car."

"It was amazing Derek, you can't deny we had some amazing sexual chemistry together and even though everything went wrong in the end, I think it's good for us to have some good memories of our lives together. There's so much history between us and it would be wrong to lose it all completely."

"Yeah you're right, even though it might be a bit awkward bringing it up now. We have so much history and amazing times we shared together and it's not wrong to remember it sometimes."

"Thanks Derek, A while ago I thought we'd never be like this again. But I'm so glad that we can talk like this again and just move on with our lives like adults. Even if it's not in the way I was hoping when I first came to Seattle."

"I'm glad too, Addison. So let's just focus on rebuilding our friendship and looking to the future." Derek tells her and they continue their drive toward his childhood home.


	9. Chapter 9

After pulling up outside of Derek's moms house, Addison takes a deep breath in and out trying to calm herself down before they go in.

"You ok Addie?" Derek asks looking at her with concern.

"Yeah I'll be fine, it's just different you know?"

"Yeah I know, come on let's just rip off the band aid and get it over with. I'm a bit nervous about seeing everyone too. I mean I haven't been to see them properly in so long and they're probably mad at me."

"They love you Derek, I know they all really missed you when you'd never come and visit them often."

"Yeah well I've got a lot of making up to do now. I bet the kids have all grown so much."

"I've really missed seeing them all. I know we've moved further away from them now but I'm going to definitely make more of an effort to come and visit and if they're allowed then maybe some of the older ones could come and visit us in Seattle sometime."

"Yeah I'm sure some of the older girls would love to come and stay at their Aunt Addie's new house and try on your huge collection of clothes and shoes."

"Well let's just see how today goes and then maybe we could ask them about it another time."

Addison opens the car door and steps out as Derek does the same at the other side. Derek starts to walk up to the house and Addison follows him. As they get to the door it opens and Amelia is there waiting.

"Hey guys. So happy you could come. For a second I thought you might both decide to bottle it. But I'm so glad you didn't."

"Hey Amy. We were both a little nervous cause we haven't seen everyone in a while and now everything is different but it was time to face everyone. Is anyone else here yet?" Derek asks.

"No it's just me and mom for now. She's in the kitchen. So off you go and see her. I'll keep Addie company." Amelia tells him.

"Ok I'll see you both soon." Derek tells them as he heads off to the kitchen to face his mom.

"Hey Amelia. It's so nice to see a friendly face, I'm a little nervous about seeing your mom but I'm excited about seeing everyone else."

"Well they're all dying to see you and try not to worry too much about mom. You know she'll always take Derek's side and in her eyes no one was right for him, but if she tries to provoke you then don't rise to it. Just stay calm and focus on everyone else."

"Great advice, when did you get so wise?"

"Well I go to meetings a lot and it really helps me to stay sober and I've got a lot of great advise over the years and now I'm using it to help others."

"That's fantastic, Amelia. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks Addie. I wonder how Derek is getting on."

—-/-/—

"Hey Mom!" Derek greets his mother as he walks into the kitchen.

"Oh Derek, you're here!" Carolyn says as she comes over to give her son a hug. "I've really missed you son."

"I've missed you too, mom." Derek tells her as he hugs her back. "Something smells great."

"I'm making one of your favourites."

"Thanks mom, that's great." Derek grins.

"So your sister tells me that you and Addison came back cause you're packing up the brownstone to sell."

"Yeah, it was Addie's idea. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to keep from the brownstone and I agreed to come out here with her so we could sort it out together and it's been really good closure for me mom."

"Oh good, I'm glad you're getting some closure Derek. It couldn't have been easy but I think this divorce is for the best. I know you felt like you had to be the better man and give things a try when she came to Seattle. But how could you ever trust her after what she did, and with Mark of all people. I always thought that she wasn't right for you, Derek and the way she messed up there was no coming back from that."

"Mom, please don't be too hard on Addison. In fact I'd really like it if you could try and make a fresh start with her, maybe you'll never really be good friends or anything. But Addie and I were always hurt by the fact that you made it so obvious that you didn't like her and to see you get on with all of your son-in-laws so well really hurt. I know that what Addison and Mark did was terrible but I cheated on her too mom, I had agreed to take her back and I said I was trying and throughout it all I was getting involved with someone else and I ended up cheating on Addison. So in the end we both cheated and even before the cheating, I wasn't a very good husband. I was barely around and I was so focused on my career that I didn't have time for anything else. So I want to take responsibility for my part in the breakdown of my marriage. So please mom, just try and be civil with Addison. I'm really trying to put everything behind me and me and Addison are getting on better than we have in a really long time."

"Oh Derek, if it really means that much to you I'll try my best to get along better with Addison. Like you said we'll probably never be the best of friends but I'll be civil today and maybe I should try and make a fresh start. Maybe I was looking at everything all wrong for a lot of your marriage that I didn't really give Addison a chance. I was so sure that she was all wrong for you that I didn't really give her any sort of chance at all. I know how much your sisters and the kids and everyone else in this family, they all loved her so maybe I should give her another chance too."

"Thanks mom, that's all I'm asking. It's not like you'll be seeing a lot of each other but if ever you do I'd like you to get along better. I mean we're divorced now, but I've told Addison how much everyone in this family loves her and how much they still want to see her sometimes. I know the kids would still love to see their Aunt Addison from time to time. I've also promised to be here more often for special occasions. For so long I put my work above everything and I just want you to know that I've realised how important family is and it's time for me to make it up to you and everyone else that I let down."

"Thank you Derek, I know that will really mean a lot to everyone. We all missed you for the last few Christmases."

"I'll make sure I'm here for Christmas this year. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Well I'll go and check the oven and then I should come and say hello to Addison."

"Ok mom, I'll go and see what her and Amy are getting up to." Derek tells his mom and then leaves the kitchen to go and find Addison and Amelia.

Derek finds his sister and Addison sitting on one of the sofas catching up on everything that had been going on in each other lives. Amelia catches his eye as he walks over.

"Hey big brother, how did your chat with mom go?"

"It went well, we had a good talk and I told her to be nice to Addison and that I was as much to blame for a lot of the things that went wrong in our marriage. I told her that I was going to make an effort to be there for special occasions and to see my family more often."

"That's good. I also talked to her yesterday and I think we really might have got through to her about giving Addison a real chance."

"Yeah she said something along those lines, that everyone else in the family loved Addison and that she had decided so long ago that she didn't like her, that maybe she had been too blinded by that to actually see what everyone else saw. She said she'd try and start over and she said she'd be out to say hello after she's checked on the food."

"Oh Derek, thank you so much for doing that and you to Amelia. If this happens then it'll be a miracle but if your mom really means it about giving me a real chance then this day will be a whole lot easier for everyone."

 **Sorry for the cliffhanger but next chapter will have more of the day spent at Derek's moms house. Hope you liked this chapter and please review and let me know what you think.**


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